Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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