dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
