google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
