Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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