guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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