ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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