It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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