i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
