Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
