Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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