all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
