I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
