This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
