I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
