Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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