i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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