Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
