You're my little dorito
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
