It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
