I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
