i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
