apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize