New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
