So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize