does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
