Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
