He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
