eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
