you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
