You can't special order awesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
