More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
