I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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