Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
