Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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