dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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