I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
