The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
