I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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