so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
