Soap is not a condiment
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
