I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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