I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize