It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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