After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize