In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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