don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
