i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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