So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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