im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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