My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
