I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
