Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We're too hungover to prance.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
