and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize