DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
