She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
