I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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