She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
