I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
