I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
