I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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