i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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