VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
