when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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