Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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