another moral hangover. fuck.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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