I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
