I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
