i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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