You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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