After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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