I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
