At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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