elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
